Slow Doxology in Grave Mode Enharmonic by Chourmouzios - English Adaptation

[GabrielCremeens]

Dear all,

Attached is a semi-final version of my adaptation of the Slow Doxology in Grave Mode Enharmonic by Chourmouzios. Many thanks are due to Basil Crow for his extremely helpful insights and suggestions.

I hope to provide a typed score soon.

In Christ,
Gabriel

 

[basil]

Attached is a semi-final version of my adaptation of the Slow Doxology in Grave Mode Enharmonic by Chourmouzios.

Awesome adaptation! This looks really great. I just have a few minor comments on the latest revision:

• The last ison on line 3 of page 1 should be changed to an apostrophos.
• Even though you mentioned to me privately that you want to remove the klasmata from the words "and" and "on" from the first page, I think you should keep them. The klasmata give the entirety of the first verse a smooth rhythm of 4-beat measures; removing them disrupts this rhythm unnecessarily. In general, it's better not to disrupt rhythm when possible (the text doesn't always make it possible, though).
• Verse #4 looks much better now that we've reshaped it to match the contour and rhetoric of the original Greek. But the Zo cadence for "Son of the Father" still seems out of place. Consider that every time the music for "O Lord God, Lamb of God" is used, it's followed by either a cadence on Ni' or a cadence on Zo' that reaches up to Vou' (e.g. in «Ευλογητός ει, Κύριε, ο Θεός των Πατέρων ημών»). We should probably do the same here. How do you feel about using the first 10010 formula on page 842 for "Son of the Father"? That melodic movement is similar to the one in «των Πατέρων ημών» and might be more appropriate here.
• In verse #6, while the music for "Thou only art Lord, Jesus Christ" flows better than it did in the first version, I still question whether or not it's acceptable to blend these two formulas as you have here. But I can't prove anything one way or another, and I can't think of a better solution either, so I guess there's nothing to be done in this case.
• For the ending of verse #8, did you consider replacing the ison above "this" with an apostrophos and replacing the notes above "day" with just a single oligon with klasma (i.e., Ni Pa Vou Pa Vou)? I don't feel strongly either way, but it might be a nice way to vary the melody, considering that verses #9 and #10 have the same ending as the one you currently have for verse #8.
• In verse #14, I recall that we expressed some unhappiness over the two consecutive Ni cadences for "I said: O Lord" and "have mercy on me." Did you consider replacing the music for "I said: O Lord" with the same music used for «Υμνούμεν σε» in the Greek? I don't feel strongly either way, but if we use a Zo cadence for "I said: O Lord" we can possibly make this verse flow a little better.
• In verse #15, we should ideally go down to Di on "teach me to do thy will", because this pattern of descending to Di before the final descent to Zo is followed as a "hard" rule in every verse of the original (even, as we saw, at the expense of the formulaic rules in the verse «Κύριε βασιλεύ»). Did you use the ending you used because you couldn't think of a way to descend to Di, or was there another reason? If the former, here's a suggestion: "teach" (Pa' with two beats and psephiston), "me" (Ni' with two beats), "to" (Zo' with vareia then Ke), "do" (Zo' then Ni'), "Thy" (Zo' with vareia then Ke) "will" (Ke with vareia then Di with aple).
• In verse #20, the orthographic rules dictate that we write "-ther and" with Di and Ke (apostrophos and kentemata over resting oligon) followed by Ga (elaphron with klasma). Compare, for example, the 100X01 formula at the top of page 681 of the formula book to the X0X0X0X formula a few lines beneath it.

 

[basil]

I just have a few minor comments on the latest revision:

Oh, and one more comment: even though I thought we should make "God" in "Holy God" extend for 4 beats in verse #18, when I see the final result I no longer agree with my own suggestion. Chanters typically pick up the pace at "Holy God", and it seems counter-productive to both pick up the pace while simultaneously slowing down to hold one note for four beats. It would have been different if we had found a way to make the melody more interesting, but we didn't. So I think "God" should only have two beats. In doing so, we lose the rhythmic duality between "Holy God" and "Holy Mighty," but we gain rhythmic consistency given the tempo change. This also helps if this verse is juxtaposed against the Greek original (which is likely to be done in practice), since it enables both the Greek and the English to be chanted at a faster tempo.

 

[GabrielCremeens]

Awesome adaptation! This looks really great. I just have a few minor comments on the latest revision:

• The last ison on line 3 of page 1 should be changed to an apostrophos.
• Even though you mentioned to me privately that you want to remove the klasmata from the words "and" and "on" from the first page, I think you should keep them. The klasmata give the entirety of the first verse a smooth rhythm of 4-beat measures; removing them disrupts this rhythm unnecessarily. In general, it's better not to disrupt rhythm when possible (the text doesn't always make it possible, though).
• Verse #4 looks much better now that we've reshaped it to match the contour and rhetoric of the original Greek. But the Zo cadence for "Son of the Father" still seems out of place. Consider that every time the music for "O Lord God, Lamb of God" is used, it's followed by either a cadence on Ni' or a cadence on Zo' that reaches up to Vou' (e.g. in «Ευλογητός ει, Κύριε, ο Θεός των Πατέρων ημών»). We should probably do the same here. How do you feel about using the first 10010 formula on page 842 for "Son of the Father"? That melodic movement is similar to the one in «των Πατέρων ημών» and might be more appropriate here.
• In verse #6, while the music for "Thou only art Lord, Jesus Christ" flows better than it did in the first version, I still question whether or not it's acceptable to blend these two formulas as you have here. But I can't prove anything one way or another, and I can't think of a better solution either, so I guess there's nothing to be done in this case.
• For the ending of verse #8, did you consider replacing the ison above "this" with an apostrophos and replacing the notes above "day" with just a single oligon with klasma (i.e., Ni Pa Vou Pa Vou)? I don't feel strongly either way, but it might be a nice way to vary the melody, considering that verses #9 and #10 have the same ending as the one you currently have for verse #8.
• In verse #14, I recall that we expressed some unhappiness over the two consecutive Ni cadences for "I said: O Lord" and "have mercy on me." Did you consider replacing the music for "I said: O Lord" with the same music used for «Υμνούμεν σε» in the Greek? I don't feel strongly either way, but if we use a Zo cadence for "I said: O Lord" we can possibly make this verse flow a little better.
• In verse #15, we should ideally go down to Di on "teach me to do thy will", because this pattern of descending to Di before the final descent to Zo is followed as a "hard" rule in every verse of the original (even, as we saw, at the expense of the formulaic rules in the verse «Κύριε βασιλεύ»). Did you use the ending you used because you couldn't think of a way to descend to Di, or was there another reason? If the former, here's a suggestion: "teach" (Pa' with two beats and psephiston), "me" (Ni' with two beats), "to" (Zo' with vareia then Ke), "do" (Zo' then Ni'), "Thy" (Zo' with vareia then Ke) "will" (Ke with vareia then Di with aple).
• In verse #20, the orthographic rules dictate that we write "-ther and" with Di and Ke (apostrophos and kentemata over resting oligon) followed by Ga (elaphron with klasma). Compare, for example, the 100X01 formula at the top of page 681 of the formula book to the X0X0X0X formula a few lines beneath it.

Hi Basil, thanks for the suggestions here on the forum, as well as the many recommendations you made when we spoke the other night.

1) Last ison on line 3 of page 1 has been changed to an apostrophos.

2) I will leave the klasmata where they are for "and on earth."

3) Considering that "every time the music for "O Lord God, Lamb of God" is used, it's followed by either a cadence on Ni' or a cadence on Zo' that reaches up to Vou'," why not use the original musical line that I had for "Son of the Father," which ends on Ni'?

4) In verse 6, for "Jesus Christ" - what if I did the following?
-leave "Thou only art Lord" to cadence on Zo,' as in my original score.
-Je - Ke, 2 beats (apostrophos + klasma)
-sus - Zo-Ni-Zo-Ke (oligon-kentemata gorgon followed by two apostrophoi with gorgon)
Christ - Ni', 2 beats (oligon with kentema and klasma)

5) I like your suggestion for "this day without sin."

6) Considering that "I said: O Lord," has the same accentuation as εγώ είπα, I think the current melodic line is preferable to the music used for «Υμνούμεν σε» in the Greek.

On the other hand, though, in re-examining the verse (as well as the original Greek), I dislike how "said" is getting more attention and emphasis in my adaptation than the word "Lord." I think it might be nice to substitute what I had in my first score for "I said: O Lord," which is the same music as for "και αινετόν." In other words:

I - Ga (2 beats)
said - Zo' (2 beats)
O - Ni'-Pa'-Ni' (oligon-kentemata-gorgon followed by apostrophos)
Lord - Pa' (2 beats)
have - Ni' (apostrophos with gorgon)
mer - Ni'-Pa'-Ni'-Zo' (as in the current score, simply substituting the oligon on "mer" with an ison)

7) In verse 15, I used the ending that I did for "for Thou art my God" because - even if it may seem to be at the expense of the formulaic rules - it is still used by Chourmouzios in his original. (Even if his original seems to be largely... "borrowed" from Iakovos of Chios.) Since it is contained in Chourmouzios' original setting, I wanted to find a way to preserve it, so I inserted it in this verse. I do like your suggestion, though, and I will make a final decision when I type this piece up.

8) In verse 20, I have made the appropriate change. Thank you.

9) In "Holy God, Holy Mighty," I have changed the 4 beats on "God" (3 beats + 1-beat rest) back to 2 beats.

In Christ,
Gabriel

P.S. Just a quick note - in verse 14, on the line "heal my soul," the 1st apostrophos after the first vareia should have an atzem fthora on it, to return to the enharmonic genus.

 

[GabrielCremeens]

One more thought - here is another idea for the line "Thou that takest away." I like how it takes a little longer to arrive at Ke, and yet still preserves the "surprise" element - in other words, it is not entirely clear from the outset that this particular melodic line will end on Ke.

In Christ,
Gabriel

 

[basil]

Hi Basil, thanks for the suggestions here on the forum, as well as the many recommendations you made when we spoke the other night.

You're welcome!

3) Considering that "every time the music for "O Lord God, Lamb of God" is used, it's followed by either a cadence on Ni' or a cadence on Zo' that reaches up to Vou'," why not use the original musical line that I had for "Son of the Father," which ends on Ni'?

In my subjective opinion, if we did a Ni' cadence on "Son of the Father", then the Ke cadence on "that takest away" wouldn't sound as good. The Ke cadence on «ο αίρων» is very unique and unexpected. To me, doing the Ke cadence immediately after a Ni' cadence somewhat diminishes the effect of this rare cadence. And especially for such a rare formula, it seems prudent to preserve the melodic progression of the original (Zo' -> Ke -> Zo) rather than invent a new progression without any precedent. That's why I think it's better to treat the Ke cadence as the melodic anchor of this verse and to shape the preceding and subsequent cadences around it, matching the rhetoric of the original (in this case, doing a Zo' cadence before the Ke cadence).

4) In verse 6, for "Jesus Christ" - what if I did the following?
-leave "Thou only art Lord" to cadence on Zo,' as in my original score.
-Je - Ke, 2 beats (apostrophos + klasma)
-sus - Zo-Ni-Zo-Ke (oligon-kentemata gorgon followed by two apostrophoi with gorgon)
Christ - Ni', 2 beats (oligon with kentema and klasma)

That sounds fine. I think it's a safer alternative to blending those two Zo' formulas.

6) Considering that "I said: O Lord," has the same accentuation as εγώ είπα, I think the current melodic line is preferable to the music used for «Υμνούμεν σε» in the Greek.

I don't see any substantive difference in the accentuation, given that 100 formulas are frequently used as 10X formulas.

On the other hand, though, in re-examining the verse (as well as the original Greek), I dislike how "said" is getting more attention and emphasis in my adaptation than the word "Lord." I think it might be nice to substitute what I had in my first score for "I said: O Lord," which is the same music as for "και αινετόν." In other words:

I - Ga (2 beats)
said - Zo' (2 beats)
O - Ni'-Pa'-Ni' (oligon-kentemata-gorgon followed by apostrophos)
Lord - Pa' (2 beats)
have - Ni' (apostrophos with gorgon)
mer - Ni'-Pa'-Ni'-Zo' (as in the current score, simply substituting the oligon on "mer" with an ison)

That makes a lot of sense and sounds even better than what I suggested because it varies the melody.

7) In verse 15, I used the ending that I did for "for Thou art my God" because - even if it may seem to be at the expense of the formulaic rules - it is still used by Chourmouzios in his original. (Even if his original seems to be largely... "borrowed" from Iakovos of Chios.) Since it is contained in Chourmouzios' original setting, I wanted to find a way to preserve it, so I inserted it in this verse. I do like your suggestion, though, and I will make a final decision when I type this piece up.

Preserving that line from Chourmouzios' original is a noble goal, but if we are to reuse this line, we should reuse it in the right context. Chourmouzios uses this line in «Πάτερ παντοκράτορ», which is in the middle of a verse (not at the end). At the end of each verse, he always descends to Di before descending to Zo (a rule he follows very consistently in this rare mode). I think that if we are to reuse this line, we should reuse it in the same context as the original (i.e., in the middle of a verse) rather than breaking the shape of the mode (by using it at the end of a verse and displacing the Di cadence that normally precedes the final Zo cadence in each verse). By the way, I thought of an even better way to get to Di for "teach me to do Thy will": keep "teach me to" the same as it is today, and then just descend to Di on "do thy will" (this version has the benefit of preserving a similar line in «δίδαξόν με»).

One more thought - here is another idea for the line "Thou that takest away." I like how it takes a little longer to arrive at Ke, and yet still preserves the "surprise" element - in other words, it is not entirely clear from the outset that this particular melodic line will end on Ke.

That's awesome! I like this a lot.

 

[GabrielCremeens]

In my subjective opinion, if we did a Ni' cadence on "Son of the Father", then the Ke cadence on "that takest away" wouldn't sound as good. The Ke cadence on «ο αίρων» is very unique and unexpected. To me, doing the Ke cadence immediately after a Ni' cadence somewhat diminishes the effect of this rare cadence. And especially for such a rare formula, it seems prudent to preserve the melodic progression of the original (Zo' -> Ke -> Zo) rather than invent a new progression without any precedent. That's why I think it's better to treat the Ke cadence as the melodic anchor of this verse and to shape the preceding and subsequent cadences around it, matching the rhetoric of the original (in this case, doing a Zo' cadence before the Ke cadence).

I can buy into that. I will change the melody appropriately.

Preserving that line from Chourmouzios' original is a noble goal, but if we are to reuse this line, we should reuse it in the right context. Chourmouzios uses this line in «Πάτερ παντοκράτορ», which is in the middle of a verse (not at the end). At the end of each verse, he always descends to Di before descending to Zo (a rule he follows very consistently in this rare mode). I think that if we are to reuse this line, we should reuse it in the same context as the original (i.e., in the middle of a verse) rather than breaking the shape of the mode (by using it at the end of a verse and displacing the Di cadence that normally precedes the final Zo cadence in each verse). By the way, I thought of an even better way to get to Di for "teach me to do Thy will": keep "teach me to" the same as it is today, and then just descend to Di on "do thy will" (this version has the benefit of preserving a similar line in «δίδαξόν με»).

That makes sense, and I do remember thinking, as I was composing this line, that the ending I used (as you rightly pointed out) is used in the middle of Chourmouzios' verse, whereas I placed it at the end.

I also like your suggestion for "do Thy will," and will use your suggested line.


In Christ,
Gabriel

 

[saltypsalti]

Dear all,

Attached is a semi-final version of my adaptation of the Slow Doxology in Grave Mode Enharmonic by Chourmouzios. Many thanks are due to Basil Crow for his extremely helpful insights and suggestions.

I hope to provide a typed score soon.

In Christ,
Gabriel

I have only one small criticism at cursory glance -is there anyway to darken your text? It's a little faded to read in darkened Churches by candlelight. I tried using the Liti Glory for the Dormition you arranged, this year, and I was fighting to read the penciled text in a darkened Narthex. I ended up retyping it for the Sunday after.

JPP

 

[GabrielCremeens]

I have only one small criticism at cursory glance -is there anyway to darken your text? It's a little faded to read in darkened Churches by candlelight. I tried using the Liti Glory for the Dormition you arranged, this year, and I was fighting to read the penciled text in a darkened Narthex. I ended up retyping it for the Sunday after.

JPP

Well, that particular piece can be found here.

As far as scanning goes, I'm basically stuck with whatever scanner happens to be handy - if I'm on-campus, I try to use the school photocopier/scanner, with varying results. If I am at home, the results are usually a little better, although it takes longer.

Unfortunately, I don't Adobe Acrobat or anything like that - I don't know if a function that would darken the text of a PDF even exists, but I don't own the program anyway.

-Gabriel

 

[GabrielCremeens]

Good afternoon everyone,

A little delayed, but here is a typed-up version, using Papa Ephraim's translation of the Great Doxology. I hope to post a score using the translation of HTM sometime in the very near future.

I hope this is useful to some!

In Christ,
Gabriel

 

[GabrielCremeens]

Here is the setting with the translation of the Holy Transfiguration Monastery.

-Gabriel

 

[basil]

An Axion Estin in the same style by Phokaeus:

There is also another Axion Estin in the same style by Kiltzanides in Mousikos Thisavros.