Dear Michael,
Thanks for helping out with this project.
I looked over your composition, and I was delighted to see that there are only a few minor things that I think need correction:
1. You forgot to put a diatonic fthora of Di above the martyria in line 4. Also, the proper way of drawing the hard chromatic martyria for Di is not as you have it in lines 4,9, and 11, but as you have it in the last line: i.e., without a line through the center of the circle.
2. The melody in line 7 for "to festive celebrations" is sort of okay, but it doesn't give enough emphasis to the first syllable of the word "festive." I think the first of the two 0100010 formulas on p. 531 would work better. Another option that would also work would be to use one of the 01010 formulas on p. 538. Since these formulas provide a melody for only the last five of the seven syllables that our phrase has, we can create a heirmologic bridge for those two syllables, by putting the word "to" on Di, and "fes-" also on Di, but with a petaste beneath it, since it is an accented syllable that will be followed by a single descending note. (Since we want the next note to be a descending note, we won't be able to use the second of those three 01010 formulas on p. 538, since it starts with an ison.) I'll let you choose between using the 0100010 formula or one of the 01010 formulas.
3. I am not entirely satisfied with the melody at the beginning of line 9 because it slightly overemphasizes the unaccented syllable "-ing". I realize that (for some reason unknown to me) this particular formula is used somewhat frequently in Greek troparia having the same accentuation pattern that we have, creating the same problem of slightly overemphasizing an unaccented syllable. I guess the Greek composers couldn't think of any better way around it, and resorted to this formula (i.e., the 01000010 formula on p. 552). Considering that there is no punctuation after this phrase in question "for the wonderworking physician" we could get around this problem by just using a heirmologic bridge for it and then seamlessly joining it with the sticheraric melody you have for the next words "is come to us," which do end with a punctuation mark. We could try to create our own melody for this heirmologic bridge, but since there just so happens to be one already in the lists of formulas, we might as well use that one, which is the 1010010 formula on p. 551.
4. The melody on line 10 for the words "healing the sicknesses of all" is fine, except for the heirmologic bridge you made for the first two syllables: "heal-ing". If neither of these two syllables were accentuated, your melody would be fine. But since the first syllable is accentuated, it would be better to change your melody to account for this. This can be done simply by putting the syllable "heal-" on Ke instead of Ga. In other words, it will have a petaste, and then "-ing" will have an apostrophos.
5. The melody on line 11 for the words "even Panteleimon" would be a valid melody for a heirmologic bridge in some modes, but I can tell from experience that this mode does not use melodies like that for heirmologic bridges. We could use the 100010 heirmologic bridge on p. 551, or the 010X010 formula at the bottom of the same page. And then we continue by using your melody for the following words: "the steadfast athlete;" But the problem with the 010X010 melody is that the "X01" part of it has the exact same melody that was used on the previous line. Using it twice in two lines would sound monotonous. Perhaps the best option would be to use one of the 1001010 formulas on p. 539 for the syllables "-leimon the steadfast athlete;" and then to create a heirmologic bridge for the first four syllables: "even Pante-".
Everything else looks wonderful. Keep up the good work!
in Christ,
+Fr. Ephraim
