I was delighted to see that you managed to set this to music in a way that the melody reaches its highest notes on the word "Trinity," as do most Greek cherubic hymns on the corresponding word "Τριάδι." This is much harder to do in English than in Greek because of the sentence structure.
In Greek, there is no punctuation after the word "Τριάδι," which means that composers may choose a melody for this word that does not end on the tonic of the mode. In other words, they may use a melody with an imperfect cadence (ἀτελῆ κατάληξι). But since in most English translations there is a comma immediately following the word "Trinity," composers are supposed to use a perfect cadence (ἐντελῆ κατάληξι) if they want the melodic phrasing to match the textual phrasing (as Chrysanthos mentions in section #414 of his Μέγα Θεωρητικόν). Unfortunately though, the final three syllables in most melodies for perfect cadences (which would be used for the three-syllable word "Trinity") do not use high notes, since they need to get back down to the tonic and end there.
So composers who set the cherubic hymn in English to music are forced to make a choice: Should they use a perfect cadence after the word "Trinity" as they are supposed to (which probably means that the melody for the word "Trinity" will not hit the high notes), or should they use high notes for this word and break the rule stating that perfect cadences must be used where there is punctuation?
I see that you have chosen the latter of these two choices, and I think you have chosen wisely. After all, Chrysanthos does say in section #424 that "...when the melodies of cherubic hymns are very long, it is permitted to use perfect cadences where there is not even a comma." If this is an acceptable exception to the rule he states in section #414, then perhaps another acceptable exception is what you have done, i.e., not using a perfect cadence even when there is punctuation.
